How to get jacked in Rio… twice

I had an unfortunate incident last year whilst training in Rio, some kind young gentlemen relieved me of my iPhone. Surely the same thing can’t happen again? You have got to be a super dumb-ass to get robbed twice in successive years!

The beginning to this tale of woe begins at Friday’s session at the academy. Training was on some beast mode business. There are some real killers at the lower belts at Terere’s, young, athletic & technical dudes, I lack at least the first two of these qualities. Thus rolling has consisted of pulling deep half like my life depended on it and slowing their game down to mine. There is not an incredible amount of black belts on the mats daily but I discovered last year there is only so much you can learn by being abused by 100kg black belts.


During the session, we had been using my phone to play music through the speakers, I was pretty impressed that I was already trusted enough to provide the dope shit. I feel when training it is imperitive to keep it straight up gangsta, so we were drilling on that Straight Outta Compton tip. The session finishes, knowing that lots of the young guys in the gym are from the favela, they all seem like good dudes but being the sensible dude that I am, I unplug my phone and take it to the toilet to get changed with me.

So I get changed out of my Gi, get dressed and leave the toilet. I’m shaking hands, doing my thing, ready to leave, until I realise ‘where is my phone?’. I search my pockets and bag and start to panic, ‘did I leave it in the toilet?’, I go back and check, of course it isn’t there, now I’m like ‘oh shit!’

So I alert everyone to my situation, eventually the gym starts being torn apart looking for my phone, everyone was being super helpful. After 10 minutes of not finding it though, I’ve got my head in my heads fully going under, the realisation that it has in fact happened again and I am indeed the world’s biggest penis.

Then there is some ruckus in the corner, I look over and my homie Caranguejo is seriously angry and looking like he is about to hand out the beat down to one of the young blue belts. Carenguejo is a brown belt and assistant coach, dude has some of the most beautiful Jiu-Jitsu! Whilst he doesn’t speak much English and I speak even less Portuguese we have become homies real quick, he is an awesome dude.  The day before he had taken me to the top of the favela to sample some of that Brazilian Eddie Bravo, that’s another story though… Anyway he is in the corner and looks like he is going to give this dude a good kicking. This is eventually split up by one of the black belts and I get handed back my iPhone!

I’m so relieved at this point, I’m going around and hugging everyone I can see. Everyone is so apologetic and seem genuingly embarrassed by the whole situation. In reality the dumb-ass gringo left his phone in the toilet, the kid is from the favela and probably has very little, what is a dude gonna do! I’m so thankful to everyone that helped, I am a dumb-ass, they are all seriously awesome. The kid apologised and we shook hands, defo no hard feeling BUT I am looking forward to rolling with him this week.

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