All posts by TFDH

How to get jacked in Rio… twice

I had an unfortunate incident last year whilst training in Rio, some kind young gentlemen relieved me of my iPhone. Surely the same thing can’t happen again? You have got to be a super dumb-ass to get robbed twice in successive years!

The beginning to this tale of woe begins at Friday’s session at the academy. Training was on some beast mode business. There are some real killers at the lower belts at Terere’s, young, athletic & technical dudes, I lack at least the first two of these qualities. Thus rolling has consisted of pulling deep half like my life depended on it and slowing their game down to mine. There is not an incredible amount of black belts on the mats daily but I discovered last year there is only so much you can learn by being abused by 100kg black belts.


During the session, we had been using my phone to play music through the speakers, I was pretty impressed that I was already trusted enough to provide the dope shit. I feel when training it is imperitive to keep it straight up gangsta, so we were drilling on that Straight Outta Compton tip. The session finishes, knowing that lots of the young guys in the gym are from the favela, they all seem like good dudes but being the sensible dude that I am, I unplug my phone and take it to the toilet to get changed with me.

So I get changed out of my Gi, get dressed and leave the toilet. I’m shaking hands, doing my thing, ready to leave, until I realise ‘where is my phone?’. I search my pockets and bag and start to panic, ‘did I leave it in the toilet?’, I go back and check, of course it isn’t there, now I’m like ‘oh shit!’

So I alert everyone to my situation, eventually the gym starts being torn apart looking for my phone, everyone was being super helpful. After 10 minutes of not finding it though, I’ve got my head in my heads fully going under, the realisation that it has in fact happened again and I am indeed the world’s biggest penis.

Then there is some ruckus in the corner, I look over and my homie Caranguejo is seriously angry and looking like he is about to hand out the beat down to one of the young blue belts. Carenguejo is a brown belt and assistant coach, dude has some of the most beautiful Jiu-Jitsu! Whilst he doesn’t speak much English and I speak even less Portuguese we have become homies real quick, he is an awesome dude.  The day before he had taken me to the top of the favela to sample some of that Brazilian Eddie Bravo, that’s another story though… Anyway he is in the corner and looks like he is going to give this dude a good kicking. This is eventually split up by one of the black belts and I get handed back my iPhone!

I’m so relieved at this point, I’m going around and hugging everyone I can see. Everyone is so apologetic and seem genuingly embarrassed by the whole situation. In reality the dumb-ass gringo left his phone in the toilet, the kid is from the favela and probably has very little, what is a dude gonna do! I’m so thankful to everyone that helped, I am a dumb-ass, they are all seriously awesome. The kid apologised and we shook hands, defo no hard feeling BUT I am looking forward to rolling with him this week.

Welcome to Rio

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I arrived in Rio a few days ago, today was the first day at the academy. I’d decided to train at 2X world champion Terere’s academy in Ipanema, which is a sardined squished bus ride with crazy ass bus drivers attempting to kill all present. I was feeling a little nervous about getting there, I guess it’s always kinda scary when you go somewhere for the first time, add that to the fact my Portugese sucks ass at present, add that to the fact I want to make a good impression as I’m training with the dude who is my all-time favourite grappler so I don’t want to come across as a penis!

I walk in through the door there is 4 dudes on the mats and Terere is going through some techniques with one of his blue belts. Straight off the bat I was made to feel welcome, one of his brown belts came and introduced himself. As soon as Terere had finished his technique, he came to welcome me to the academy. I was a little star struck and immediately wanted to tell him he was my hero and that his game was so ridiculously sexy that I almost get a semi watching him fight, fortunately I managed not too and just about introduced my self as ‘Moz’.

The structure of the class was super chilled, it was pretty much a drilling session, no warm-up which suits me as laziness is key to my game. We did 4 techniques focusing on spider-guard & X-guard. We drilled an sweet single leg X-guard to belly down foot lock, gonna spend the rest of my week drilling out this badboy. Terere taught the techniques in Portugese then in English which was super helpful.

We finished drilling and started to roll. I nearly swallowed a nut when Terere grabbed me to roll first, not too many people who can say they have really kicked it with their hero, like wrestling with The Macho Man Randy Savage or spending an afternoon learning to transform with Optimus Prime, this shit was seriously gangsta! We did 7 minute rounds, I obviously spent the next 7 minutes being abused, every time he choked the piss out of me I was thinking ‘does it get more awesome than this!’.

Awesome session, felt like I was getting a mini private with only 4 dudes on the mats. Everything was competition minded, Terere was a amazing teacher. This next year is going to be beast business!